Im always the one asking him to do something, Im always planning my work schedules around his and swapping shifts etc I just feel like its so one sided sometimes. any improvement? As stated above, knowing what your boyfriend is going through (ex trauma, personal grief, work load) is important and all, but also knowing how you would act if you were in a similar situation gives you answers and peace. If, say, youre a non-stop talker, you frequently talk over your partner, tend to interrupt, and just aren't a good listener, they'll stop sharing their innermost thoughts and feelings because they don't feel "heard." So, whether you've only just noticed your partner giving you the proverbial cold shoulder or have undergone the iciness for weeks/months/years, now is the time to take a closer look at your relationship to establish the reason for the discontent and determine if the partnership is worth mending. He really hurt me in the past (when we werent together) regarding other girls but hes never actually done anything when weve been going out. I would appreciate any advice! We were together for three years. He said he was my family and I took that wholeheartedly. I have to fix myself and thats the problem with people now adays. Ive had a talk with him a few times that I feel like his mom, Im always cleaning and cooking and have to tell him what needs to be done. My guys tells me there is someone else, hes changed so much over the last year I hardly even recognise him. I finally had to let him go. sometimes i question if he even has time for me at all. I love him however because of his lack of effort Im almost ready to walk away for good. This is the real way to be happy and stop wanting for his love or validation to make you happy. Although weve talked about it many times and although I told him I wanted to go out once a month, he doesnt initiate. Not fair and a relationship is 2 waysSince you have a Son and a new job would NOT recommend that you move to him. Hi, I have a very similar situation to yours. Forget it. The first 5 he was boyfriend of the year. I love my partner but I just feel like Im too smothering to him, I thought this was how you ought to be in a relationship. Nothing. and so the cycle repeats. But he makes time for his boys and gaming everyday. Then he complains when I dont cook dinner after working 10 hours a day, I work four-10 hour days, and says all I know how to cook is chicken, which Im a great cook, he is just too lazy to do anything what so ever. We get along well because we were good friends before the relationship, we have a lot in common, but spent a little time together in person before the relationship, communicating mainly online. It was coming across the needle in the haystack that you placed in a way that someone was bound to find it. Honestly if youve tried messaging him and he isnt responding I would just stop. We moved forward and ever since our relationship has been better than ever. From what you said, he seriously dont appreciate you. This man is no good for you, and he will never learn how to grow out of his depression if theres someone always doing everything for him. He blames his lack of functioning on his religious faith. Which was Im looking so bad I dont want neighbours to see me like this. This is exactly me, I always feel stupid for caring more, its like the bane of my existence. Lets see whats they do. I dont think he will change. it was only casual dinning places (only three times), other than that, we went out only for coffee. Stop working for him. When we are together he is so sweet and wonderful. It is just hurtful to know that he could not even think of doing this one thing for me. It was pretty obvious I didnt know how to skate haha but everyone around me did and were doing tricks. We couldnt go one day without some little thing exploding. I know for sure that he likes me as well. My expectations: Be an adult while fighting. Also, find some time to do something that you enjoy. Anyways, he has told me before that he plans to make me his girlfriend, we have great conversations, hes very flirty but the problem is he doesnt text me often or try to call or set up a date. The last few years have been tough. We spent four weekends together at his place and virtually every day together on a mutual project for a month. its just do not putting attention at all. He knows im going to have sex with him if he initiates it because im 36 years old and NEVER EVER EVER have sex. I feel weirdly trapped because I cant really break up with him given there isnt an actual relationship there, but Im in this loop where if I dont respond to HIM like an attentive girlfriend, he expresses this anxiety that gets my attachment system triggered. As well BALANCE is a VERY hard thing for men I have learned. But Im starting to realize my own self worth. i refused saying that I am already busy, in which I am and I told him quit rankly i need you to plan before hand and so we can both be free. My boyfriend and I been together for a few months ,we dated not really long time ago and now we are in long distance. It is always me who looks up special events to go to like Gamevention (cause he likes video games), new Indian restaurants (cause he likes spicy food), or initiates going for a walk. Anniversaries, birthdays etc. I have been with my boyfriend for over 7 months now. Its really hard to get him to change his habits. Youve probably heard of Love Languages before, and it sounds like your main love language is either physical touch or acts of service (showing someone you love them by doing things that help them). If youre reading this article and the comments, Im sorry youre here. It hurts a lot when they say things to intentionally hurt us. If youre always playing offense, you could continually be hurting your partner's feelings, thereby offending, alienating, and pushing them away. good luck to you. I love him dearly, but no lie Im confused & I dont like feeling confused. Now, what do I *do*? Not ever. I have been dating my boyfriend for 4 years and weve known each other for 10 years. I pay d bills, I buy him stuffs give him money, I practically do everything in d relationship . He used o do his laundry, make his bed, clean the kitchen, cook himself and I dinner when I was at HIS place a lot or even when i moved in with him! Guys will always say that they are going to change but actions speak louder than words. Dont let him have it easy. So, my boyfriend and i have known each other our entire lives. Your Aries guy might not be texting you back because he doesnt enjoy small talk or having long conversations over text. I also pay all the bills, budgeting, grocery shopping. second: (and here is the big thing!) I feel in this kind of limbo where expressing dissatisfaction with a relationship that doesnt actually exist makes me sound like a basket case. Then later said someone was making it. HE NEVER CLEANS. I used to be patient but recently Ive been having anger issues and he knows how to handle my mood accordingly. He wont make an effort to see me. when i make plans to go out tgt w him he will in the end cancel it and i feel so fked up. If youre not happy then leave him, its that simple. I got back with my ex after months. Thats the one thing that i really expect. I am retired. I asked about the plan we made and he didnt answer he started to be mean to me and not talk and then he hung up on me after saying he wasnt gonna go to hoco with me or prom and that he didnt love me. I appreciate when he does make effort and try to acknowledge it but it quickly goes away like he doesnt mean it. He almost kind of agrees to get it over with but nothing changes. Im in the same situation. He Is Bored. He said the reason we broke up was because of different love languages, arguing, and that he was not as emotionally available as I need him to be. Im very worried and actually considering going to where he is and seeking answers. He doesnt ask about my life and hes still working with his ex wife in a business relationship. I asked if he still has resentment but he said he doesnt. Love your reply and I agree with it all Im struggling right now as Im conflicted with wht to do how long do you wait how long do you keep understanding he has issues he is dealing with but makes minimal effort with our relationship.. Im just sad angry and confused. Listen to your intuition, it never lies. I tried talking to him and he said I was being to needy. if he is not putting in the effort to help you, that becomes tiring and it is not fair. But I guess it just shows how people handle stress. He was so understanding and apologized for the lack of communication and promised to try his best to communicate more. He tried and invited me to a restaurant 2 times but that has stopped as well now. We both still live at home and even tho hes nearly 21, his parents still have some control over him, he doesnt talk back to them and theyre weird about him staying in my house and doing stuff with me (sometimes not all the time!) My friends have been pulling their hair out trying to get him to help them plan my party and he ignores their texts. I am 20 years old, and Ive been on and off with my boyfriend since we were both 13. It was too good to be true and had a feeling I couldnt get lucky enough to be like other woman who found someone who loves and appreciates them, happy relationship, etc. He stays at my house an wont clean a dish or pick up his trash off my floor. He is quite affectionate and does make sure the bills are paid etc. He might end up resenting you, instead. Always honest. I know that probably sounds silly but his replies are shorter and he doesnt joke around with me like he used to do. ive been always the understanding one. What did you end up doing ? due to time zones, im three hours ahead of him. And what does he say when I say that, he says what plan? Back in June, I suggested we could likely see each other given both of us are very much on quarantine and not going out or seeing anyone else. Im so upset. We started with skyping during weekends, to calling sometimes to texting only and recently weve stopped texting as often. This is the only problem in our relationship, the lack of effort. I think the best thing to do would be to withdraw and give him space. Can Your Husbands Affair Be Good for Your Marriage? And I would listen but then my insecurities would come back and were back to where we started. He would become distant and i would feel left alone and hurt by it. He should be making an effort to see u, call u , and text you throughout the day. Now he is deliberately NOT doing it because I keep trying to remind him or motivate him but his thought is that had he known it was going to become one more thing I expect him to do and hound him over he would have told me not to buy it. Yet around the holidays, he has completely dropped off the radar and is barely giving me more than a one word text response back. For the first year or two with him, I never had any problems with needing reassurance and words of affirmation from him because he always did it so well. yes I did give myself to him.he was my first.. and it was the second time I snuck out but I did everything for him and I get ignored. If so, you have to trust that your relationship can handle this temporary lull in affection and attention. So I am working on adjusting my expectations so I dont get disappointed. Good luck! But yeah, we talk more and sometimes I struggle to text back too since I work full time now! Feel like I am too grown for him. We continue dating but not once did he ever bring up talking about all that he mentioned. Never happened. I mentallyI dont understand the action itself . Weve been together for over a year but known each other for 8 and its a first serious relationship for both of us. You didnt like THAT answer, did you? I tried to get my best friend to take me (I cant drive) to his sisters baby shower so i could see him but i found out she no longer was friends with him and she hated that we were dating and regretted getting us together. These are no games. I really need an outlet! Day after, he went for work in other city and stayed there for 3months. The next year we talked again. When you feel as though your partner isn't giving you the attention you deserve, it can be incredibly frustrating, confusing, and hurtful. I hate to say it maybe he did something he wasnt so suppose to and felt guilty leading him to end things. For within us we can make changes we want the rest will come. And so its for the most part become an issue I think between us. I was in so much pain and he couldnt even come to check on me. Also, he says he is claustrophobic and that a lot of kissing makes him feel smothered. I think that might make him feel better. dont know if you guys familliar with Myasthenia gravis.. its an auto immune decease which makes your muscle gets weak. I just want to feel special!! About 2 weeks or so after, I voiced my concerns again about his lack of effort in making quality time. feels as though what they say doesn't matter (and they've stopped talking altogether), then look within. We got in a fight because I said I was upset because he hadnt made time for me in the last week. But no. He can say he loves me and misses me million times a day but then he doesnt make an effort for us to be together when we could because hes just very comfortable. I could have written that. I know thats not what you want to hear. The crazy thing about all this is that even tho Im the one craving attention and love and effort in the relationship, he actually relies on me a lot. He only got me a childrens bear . The key is to not give them the key to our happiness. The problem is, everyone around me has boyfriends that are going the extra mile to make sure their girlfriends feel loved at this time. I always let him initiate texting. No calling. His brother lives for free with his mother and he has nothing but contempt for him over it. He doesnt do laundry, dishes, cook or clean. But I cant help but fear the same thing would happen again anytime soon.Im also an overthinker and I feel like hes losing interest cause hes been recently behaving like this frequently. He used to be affectionate and communicates a lot. If you really love him and see potential in the relationship then give it a try. After going through with this behaviour for around 3 months (I was going insane) I caught him lying and speaking to a number of females behind my back as more than just friends. Because you are a happy individual yourself, he would feel lucky to share his life with you. You are right, hes very self centered and if he has to have you around, you also have to center around him. My boyfriend recently broke up with me. So I dug in my heels, and he had a stressful day at work, so it ended with him yelling that I was bipolar and he needed a break before I left and he went back to work. I clean, cook, bring him sandwiches to his work, take care of the dog while he does nothing. The way he acted after you said you need a romantic date, even if you said it while in tears or upset, is absolutely unacceptable. even on weekends, hes always busy. He commented on Tues night wed do it the next night so I was completely excited and ready to go at then finally at bedtime he laid there with his eyes closed and when I put the moves on him he told me its time for sleep, that we are just cuddling. , and text you throughout the day were doing tricks love him see... Balance is a very hard thing for me in the relationship then give it a.. Went out only for coffee makes time for me in the last year I hardly even recognise.! Self worth mood accordingly it quickly goes away like he used to do would be to withdraw and give space! Him over it youve tried messaging him and he isnt responding I would feel alone! If youre not happy then leave him, its that simple ready to walk away for good changes want... And Ive been having anger issues and he said he doesnt mean it would just.... To fix myself and thats the problem with people now adays pick up trash! 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